Thursday, May 3, 2012


Buttocks-Upon-Surry, England - Wendy Thomasina-Shmenz, President of Shmenz Communications Inc., the parent company of Froynlaven, announced today that she has ordered a complete overhaul and a "total re-envisioning of the Froynlaven Blog."

Wendy Thomasina-Shmentz
Speaking at a press conference in the south of England where she is currently on a badger-spotting holiday, Thomasina-Shmenz said the Froynlaven format change is part of a "company-wide realignment and marketing rebranding initiative which will increase viewership and return value to our stockholders, many of whom live in Chicago and have threatened my life. Repeatedly."

Thomasina-Shmenz has made no secret of the fact that she has been disappointed by Froynlaven's viewership since it's inception nearly three years ago. "We simply are not getting the amount of readers we need to remain profitable," Shmenz lamented while looking at a badger. "We need a minimum of 5000 hits per day just to break even. Froynlaven's readership has never gotten over 50. Shmenz communications can no longer sit back and allow this trend to continue. They'll kill me. I mean it. These people are ruthless."

Thomasina-Shmez's announcement comes on the heels of last week's executive shake-up at Froynlaven which saw the ouster of it's editor-in-chief, Lazy Paul Rugg who was replaced with animation stalwart, Productive Paul Rugg. However, most industry insiders agree that the change came too late to reverse Froynlaven's weak viewership. Thomasina-Shmenz confirmed that Productive Paul Rugg has been put on administrative leave but will hopefully remain in an 'advisory capacity.'

Thomasina-Shmenz announced that Chester A. Phelph, a frequent contributor to Froynlaven and a homeless sociopath, has been made Froynlaven's new editor-in-chief. "Chester has some wonderful ideas for Froynlaven," Thomisa-Shmenz said. "I'm convinced our viewership is going to grow under his amazing leadership."

Thomasina-Shmenz concluded the press conference by saying that the changes would begin Friday, May 4th.

1 comment:

  1. This does not bode well for Froynlaven. Shmenz Communications was the brain trust behind Newt Gingrich's Presidential Campaign.