I woke up this morning like I always do by waking up. What I do is I open my eyes and I'm up. I don't know how you guys do it, but that's how I've always done it. And now that I'm a millionaire, that's how I'm going to keep doing it. Being a millionaire means that I do things better than people who aren't.
So...there I am all waked up. I don't know if "waked up" is a proper way to say it, but I'm a millionaire so I guess it is. Cuz I'm wealthy. Ha.
Anyway, I'm all waked up and I go to check my emails. I do this in the morning a lot because someone might have emailed me something important during the night. This rarely happens, but it could. (And now that I'm a millionaire, I'm sure I'll get a lot of important emails during the middle of the night.)
So I had two emails. One from Vitamin Shoppe saying that I had a 20 dollar coupon. (Who needs that now?! Huh? Cuz I'm a millioniare! I could buy Vitamin Shoppe! Ha!) The other email was from someone named Paco De Portillo. I didn't recognize the name...but all I can say is...I'll NEVER, EVER forget it.
I copied the email. It was labeled URGENT. Here it is:
Forgive this email but the need to contact you has been urgent. Many phone calls have been planned, but only this way seems to work for reasons of security which you shall soon understand and appreciate. My name is Paco De Portillo. For 5 years I have been the person in charge of Jose Gustaffsen's estate. Mr. Gustaffsen is dead now for 5 years and his relatives have joined him there in that dead place. An amount of money equal to 500 million US Dollars are sitting in an account which I have access to. Because all are dead who could get the money, the money is not claimed and will be taken by the government of Bolivia before the end of day on a day like Thursday.
However, with your help, I can evacuate the money from a secret account into an account with places and other abilities to you. For serious. No hanky panky. I am a trusted business type human with many credentials to demonstrate how for serious and no hanky panky type things are up my sleeve. The urgency is made even more critical because I am dying of liver piece and want all issues resolved before my eyes close forever and permanently. Having no relatives of my own, there is no way money can be given this way.
You have come to my attention from someone whom you know but are not knowing about. Only I have known how they know you and they said you were full of trust and would do great works with such a sum.
Before my kidney piece kills my life, it would be beneficial for you so receive this money so that my eyes can close in peace without a worry that I have not done what was required by Mr. Gustaffsen.
Because the 500 million is all in coins, it is quite a heavy amount to put in an envelope. As I am near death I don't have enough to pay to ship it to you. But, if you could pay for the shipment, I could get you the money right away. Please reply to this email right away and provide me with your credit card I can begin the process.
Urgency is important and the kidney piece is not going to not be there.
Thank you for helping me.
Paco De Portillo
Accountant In Good Standing In Bolivia
There it is. I've already given him my credit info and I've just told some people I'm doing projects for to get lost! Who needs 'em! Ha ha ha ha!