My dog ate my computer. He did! I woke up and there he was eating the computer. I was sooo mad at him. I said, "Bad dog! Now I can't blog! Bad, bad dog! You BAD dog!"
He then lunged at me at tore into my neck! He ruptured one of those important arteries that are important.
I staggered backwards and fell off the back porch balcony. I passed out. While passed out the gardeners (who I am soooo mad at) came to mow the lawn. They didn't even try to help me! They mowed over my hand and caused my typing fingers to become detached from where they normally are. I awoke to see my dog eating them. I was sooo mad!
I said, "Bad dog! Bad, bad dog! Daddy needs those to blog!!!!"
I chased him across the yard to get my fingers back and hit my head on a tree branch and punctured my eyes . I stomped around in a blind rage! "I can't blog without eyes, fingers or a computer! I am soooo mad!"
I stumbled into a deep crevasse and fell hundreds of feet into a goblin town. There I was held prisoner and given only mineral water and Ak Mak to eat for 18 days.
The head goblin, Kipsy, was rude and cussed quite a bit.
Finally, a kindly goblin named Thweel, gave me a map and a key to escape. When I finally got out I was in China! I had fallen so far into the crevasse that I had gone almost clear through the earth.
Once in China, XinXin, a friendly farmer, gave me a salve made from ginger root that cured my punctured eyes and grew my fingers back.
My wife wired me the money for a flight home. When I arrived back home, my dog had felt sooo bad about being a bad, bad, dog that he bought me a new computer with money from his commercial work for Alpo.
Anyway, long story short...
I'm fine now.
Paul
Next time I see an angry man with no fingers, eyes, or computer running around my neighborhood, I'll be sure to check and see if it's anyone whose blog I read before pushing him into a deep crevasse.
ReplyDeleteOh well... if that's the case than I guess we should forgive you. But only this once!
ReplyDeleteSounds like a normal every-day routine to me ~~
ReplyDeleteDid you know that...
ReplyDeleteA dog ate John Steinbeck's first draft of OF MICE AND MEN?
I'm thinking dogs have probably eaten some of the finest writing ever written.
I hope your dog didn't just eat next year's Pulitzer Prize in Literatrue.
Stupid dogs!
With profound indifference,
Stephanie Katz
Chattanooga TE
writers. they have ALL the fun.
ReplyDelete