Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Tomorrow's Weather

Scattered patches of sunshine which will turn into other things as the day goes on. Highs should be in the upper portion of the livable range. Lows will generally be the same.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

FROYNLAVEN STALWART LUKE SUBMITS ENTRY TO LATEST MUSICAL CHALLENGE

Grass Valley, Idaho - Veteran Froynlaven subscriber, Luke, has finally submitted his entry to the missing Paul Rugg's latest challenge.


Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Keeper Submits Musical Challenge Entry - Paul Rugg Still In Hiding

Parts Unknown - Upheaval continues to plague the Froynlaven blog as its former editor-in-chief, Paul Rugg, remains in hiding following the beheading of Wendy Thomasina-Shmenz, president of Shmenz communications, Froynlaven's parent company.

Locked out of his blog and on the run, Rugg has only been able to communicate with his loyal readers by hacking onto the comments page using highly sophisticated hacking technology thingies. Rugg is accompanied in his clandestine travels by Chester A. Phelph, frequent contributor to Froynlaven and a homeless sociopath.

Rugg is determined to clear his name and prove he had nothing to do with Ms. Shmenz's beheading. He insists that he is close to finding out the assassins true identity but needs more time to build tension and figure out a storyline that is both satisfying and believable.

Meanwhile, the noted composer and lyricist known only as, Keeper, has submitted his entry in the latest Froynlaven Musical Challenge. As you will recall, the challenge was one of the last times Paul Rugg appeared on the blog before things got weird and he had to run for his life. The challenge can be found here.

Hopefully other faithful readers have decoded Rugg's cryptic challenge and will follow in Keeper's sound and hearty footsteps.




Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Wendy Thomasina-Shmenz Found Beheaded In Paraguay - Police Suspect Foul Play

Tres Gatos Amor, Paraguay - Wendy Thomasina-Shmenz, President of Shmenz Communications Inc., the parent company of Froynlaven, was found beheaded in an abandoned canning factory on Tuesday morning. Persons familiar with the investigation said local authorities are beginning to suspect it may not have been an accident.

Gustav Sprechkles, chief investigator of the Paraguayan government's elite team known as the "Hombres Que Investigar A Las Personas Que Pierden La Cabeza" said Thomasina-Shmenz's death is very weird. Speaking through an interpreter, Sprechkles said that, "most people don't just lose their head. The head is attached to the neck very securely. This is why our heads don't come off in a fierce wind. The ligaments and tendons running through that region are quite strong. We've done tests on prisoners and I assure you that the winds required to separate someone from their head are quite strong and much stronger than would have been found in an abandoned canning factory. We're still running test, but I can only assume that someone who had ill feelings for Ms. Shmenz must have brought in some sort of wind machine capable of blowing her head off her body. Such a machine would be immense and require great power. And, as the power lines to the factory have been cut for close to 40 years, I can only assume whoever did this also ran fresh power lines to the factory. This powered the wind machine which blew her head off. After this was done, the power lines were removed and the wind machine was taken away. That't the only explanation I can think of." Detective Sprechkles was asked if the weapon could have been a knife and not a massive wind machine. "Hmmm. That's possible I suppose. We'll test it on some prisoners and let you know."

Ms. Thomasina-Shmez's death comes amidst a particularly tumultuous time for Shmenz communications and the Froynlaven blog. Just last week Ms. Shmenz removed Paul Rugg as the blogs editor and chief and replaced him with homeless sociopath, Chester A. Phelph. Shmenz said she was bowing to pressure from major investors in Chicago who were disappointed with Froynlaven's weak numbers. However, Mr. Phelph's attempt to turn Froynlaven around were lackluster, and, as one industry observer put it, "stupid as hell."

With Shmenz unable to fulfill her duties at Shmenz Communications, it is unclear what will happen to the company. Vick Umberto, who represents Shmenz's Chicago investors, said he will assume administrative control until he feels like it.

Links to the previous stories on Shmenz communications and Froynlaven can be found here and here.


Monday, May 7, 2012

The Best Thing Ever Done On Froynlaven By Chester Phelph

Hi, this is Chester. Please watch the following video as many times as possible. They are getting angry with me that not enough of you are watching what I've done. So, here's something you are bound to pass along and get viral.

Thanks. Chester A. Phelph.


Friday, May 4, 2012

Thursday, May 3, 2012

FROYNLAVEN FORMAT CHANGE ANNOUNCED


Buttocks-Upon-Surry, England - Wendy Thomasina-Shmenz, President of Shmenz Communications Inc., the parent company of Froynlaven, announced today that she has ordered a complete overhaul and a "total re-envisioning of the Froynlaven Blog."

Wendy Thomasina-Shmentz
Speaking at a press conference in the south of England where she is currently on a badger-spotting holiday, Thomasina-Shmenz said the Froynlaven format change is part of a "company-wide realignment and marketing rebranding initiative which will increase viewership and return value to our stockholders, many of whom live in Chicago and have threatened my life. Repeatedly."

Thomasina-Shmenz has made no secret of the fact that she has been disappointed by Froynlaven's viewership since it's inception nearly three years ago. "We simply are not getting the amount of readers we need to remain profitable," Shmenz lamented while looking at a badger. "We need a minimum of 5000 hits per day just to break even. Froynlaven's readership has never gotten over 50. Shmenz communications can no longer sit back and allow this trend to continue. They'll kill me. I mean it. These people are ruthless."

Thomasina-Shmez's announcement comes on the heels of last week's executive shake-up at Froynlaven which saw the ouster of it's editor-in-chief, Lazy Paul Rugg who was replaced with animation stalwart, Productive Paul Rugg. However, most industry insiders agree that the change came too late to reverse Froynlaven's weak viewership. Thomasina-Shmenz confirmed that Productive Paul Rugg has been put on administrative leave but will hopefully remain in an 'advisory capacity.'

Thomasina-Shmenz announced that Chester A. Phelph, a frequent contributor to Froynlaven and a homeless sociopath, has been made Froynlaven's new editor-in-chief. "Chester has some wonderful ideas for Froynlaven," Thomisa-Shmenz said. "I'm convinced our viewership is going to grow under his amazing leadership."

Thomasina-Shmenz concluded the press conference by saying that the changes would begin Friday, May 4th.