Friday, October 23, 2009

"Hello, Ladies And Gentlemen, This Is The Captain And..."

"Unfortunately, I've been arguing with co-pilot for the last hour and...well...the funny thing is...ha ha ha...we're 200 miles from where we're supposed to be. But we're going to turn around now and go back. So sit back, relax and enjoy some of the fine food we don't carry on board anymore."

Okay, Froynlaven readers. So, yesterday's blog about the balloon boy was a bit of a bummer. That won't happen again. Only happiness and joy here. Which is why I'm pleased as punch to talk about another true story that will make you smile and never fly again.

This happened just a few days ago. And here it is: A Northwest Airlines jet was flying from San Diego to Minneapolis. I'm not a geography expert but Minneapolis is somewhere in the middle of the country but higher up towards Canada...or Russia. I'll find out. I know it's not near Florida.

Anyway, it seems as the jet approached Minneapolis, the air traffic controllers tried to call them on the radio to tell them important information like..."Hi. This is Minneapolis. We're down here. You should land...especially since this is where you're supposed to be."

But, it turns out. The pilots didn't respond. It continued to fly over Minneapolis at 37,000 feet. The air traffic controllers kinda get nervous when stuff like that happens. So they contacted the air force and put fighter jets on stand by in case there was a problem. Like a hijacking or something. You know. That sort of thing.

Well...a long time went by. And air traffic control suddenly got a call from the Northwest Plane. Seems they had been busy and totally forgot where they were going. The plane turned around and landed. An hour late. But mistakes happen. The pilots said they had been having a heated discussion and totally lost track of time....AND...where they were. Again. This is totally understandable.

I have a friend who works at the NTSB and he's managed to get me the audio recording of the cockpit voice recorder. Here it is...

CAPTAIN: "You're an idiot, Frank. Superman is indestructible. Got it?"

CO-PILOT: "Batman could do it!"

CAPTAIN: "Get your head out of your butt! How? How could Batman hurt Superman? Seriously. How?"

CO-PILOT: "Well, I'm not exactly sure. But he's got all that stuff. He's way smarter than Superman. So he'd come up with a plan."

CAPTAIN: " A PLAN?!!! See! That's what I'm saying! You're not telling me anything. A plan! HOW? WHAT'S THE PLAN! Think it through! You can't! And you know why? BECAUSE HE COULDN'T DO IT!

CO-PILOT: "No. No. He could do it. It would be a trap or something."

CAPTAIN: "Are you listening to yourself, Phil? Are you? Are you seriously listening to yourself. Because I am. And all I'm hearing is a bunch of crap! How the hell is Batman gonna beat Superman?"

CO-PILOT: "Okay. Fine. Kryptonite. He'd put it in a little box and and spring it on Superman at the last minute."

CAPTAIN: "Kryptonite. Again with the Kryptonite! I told you, Phil. No Kryptonite. This is theoretical. I said, how could Batman hurt Superman WITHOUT KRYPTONITE. That's how we started this whole thing. I said NO KRYPTONITE.

CO-PILOT: "You did?"

CAPTAIN: "I did."

CO-PILOT: "I didn't hear that."

CAPTAIN: "Obviously. So. Without Kryptonite, how the hell is Batman gonna hurt Superman?"

CO-PILOT: A trap."


[Cockpit door opens.]

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: "Excuse me, Captain. One of the passengers said we flew over Minneapolis an hour ago."

CAPTAIN: "Really?"


CAPTAIN: "Hmmm. That's not gonna look good."

CO-PILOT: "Go tell him he's mistaken."

CAPTAIN: "Good idea."

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: "I tried that already. But he says he's the mayor and he knows what it looks like."

CAPTAIN: "Shoot. Okay. Uhm. I know. Okay. Tell the passengers we flew through an interdimensionary time warp."

CO-PILOT: "That's how Batman would do it."

CAPTAIN: "Do what?"

CO-PILOT: Trap Superman. An interdimensionary time warp."

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: "We should probably turn around."

CAPTAIN: "How is Batman gonna create a time warp?"

CO-PILOT: He doesn't have to. Alfred would do it.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: "Because we're almost in Michigan. And we're supposed to go to Minneapolis. And that's where the passengers kinda planned on going."

CAPTAIN: "But Alfred would have to be super smart to think of something like that."

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: "We're out of peanuts, too."

CO-PILOT: "He is super smart!"

CAPTAIN: "Yeah. Well, Phil. You got me."


FLIGHT ATTENDANT: "I think I see Canada."


  1. Oh whew. For a moment I thought they were gonna argue about Balloon Boy.

    So where was the navigator during this whole thing? Is that who Frank is? Maybe he was turned into a sobbing mess when the captain called him an idiot. Yeah.

  2. This is reminding me of... well I won't talk about that certain sitcom that I love, because I love it too much and I don't shut up about it. So I'll just say, that if a certain group of NERDS were to become pilots instead of PHYSICISTS, and two of them were on a plane together these hijinks would ensue.

  3. Woah, always thought of pilots as some kind of gods, but looks like they got human issues like quarrels...

    No bummers anymore!? :(
    But they're a vital part of modern life's society!
    Please do not withhold such things from us!