ALIVE? PERHAPS...

I am shamed by pal John McCann's ability to blog through thick and thin...through skin cancer surgery and other bits of life. He is a true blogger. I am unworthy to stand in his shadow. But I will because he's taller.

So, I've been working on the pilot and trying to get it right. It's been fun but I also forgot what it was like to be gainfully employed. People expect things of you. You have to go places and have ideas. You have to shave. You have to eat a good breakfast. (Because, if I haven't made it clear, people expect things from you and you want to be sharp and alert and be able to say, "Yes, Fred. Let's go with that drawing. I'm alert and I think that's a good choice.) You have to sit at a desk. You have to pass people in the hallway and pretend to make eye contact. You have to not randomly shout out, "I want marbles!" (And if you do, you better have a good reason why you want marbles because there will be forms to fill out and the purchasing department will want to know size, shape and approximate amount. And color.) See, I can shout out, "I want marbles" all day long in my own home and no one will want to know why. That's because no one is here most of the day except the dogs and they have no idea what marbles are. And if they did, I surely wouldn't need a job because any dog that knows what marbles are could be sold to a research lab for hundreds of thousands of dollars. I could then live off that money and blog and do my silly skits and stuff. Sure, I'd miss the dog, but I'm sure they'd be nice to him.

The paragraph above is way too big.

Anyway, I think I should catch up with a lot of the stuff that's been going on with me since my last post.

1. I developed a new kind of wheat-less muffin which can be grown from a seed. I sold the technology to the Archer Daniels Midland company and they are now forcing farmers to grow it.

2. I am writing a play about what I think it would have been like had Minnie Riperton been trapped in an elevator with John Madden.

3. A month ago I started reading all 1362 pages of the healthcare bill. I'm still on the first paragraph.

4. I built a miniature city out of cork.

5. We hired a pest control company to capture a monkey that's been gnawing through the drywall in the basement. His name is "Nubs" and I have no idea how he got in there. Sometimes, late at night, I hear him going through my box of Christmas lights. We tried to shoot him a while ago, but since we don't have a gun, we couldn't get him.

6. I have taken to wearing a man girdle.

7. I thought it would be fun to hear all the elements of the periodic table sung to the tune of the Animaniacs theme-song, but I've been informed it's been done. (Sorry, Keeper.).

Anyway, that's what's up. I'm off now to pretend to make eye contact with people.

Paul