ERLAX

Remember, when things get tough....when things are just too overwhelming...take a deep breath and erlax. Serious. Erlax, man. Sometimes you just gotta go in your room, shut the door, lay on the bed and erlax.

What? You don't know what "erlax" means? Seriously? Well, to be honest...me neither. But, I'll try to explain...

A few weeks ago my wife and I were killing time while my daughter was at a birthday party. We walked down the street and passed by Marshalls. Maybe you all don't have a Marshalls where you live. Maybe it's called something else. Maybe Grimelys. Or Huntelys. Or Pattersons. Or Zacks. Or...well...you get the idea.

Now, I had never been in a Marshalls. Inside are a bunch of things that other stores couldn't sell. They have clothes. Shoes. Things that used to be toys. They also have housewares and stuff. It was in the housewares section that I came across the find of a lifetime. Something so special and neat and yummy that I had to have it. It was only 6 dollars. 6 DOLLARS!

And my wife said, "no."

"No?" I replied. "It's only six dollars!"

"No," she said. "It'll only gather dust. I don't want a bunch of junk in the house."

"But, look at it!" I said. "That's the best thing I've ever seen! I can't just walk away from THAT! Look at it! Tell me it isn't the best thing you've ever seen! Tell me."

"I don't want it in the house. There's nowhere to put it."

"I'll put it in my office! There's plenty of room!"

"No. We just spent three months getting rid of stuff in there. You don't need anymore junk."

"Junk? JUNK? How can you possibly call that JUNK? That's one of the most wonderful things I'VE EVER SEEN! IT'S AWESOME! AND I NEED IT!"

"No. That's how your office got cluttered in the first place."

"It's only SIX DOLLARS! SIX DOLLARS!!!!!!!"

"Paul, someone has to stop you. This is one of those times. No."

I sighed deeply. Took out my phone and took a picture of it. If I couldn't have it, I'd at least be able to look at a picture of it from time to time and ponder what it would have been like to have it on my shelf. The find of a lifetime. The most perfect thing I've ever seen."

Anyway. Prepare yourself. Here it is...

It was made in China. Probably on a Friday. The factory worker glued the E and the R in the wrong places. No big deal. But what surprises me is that the folks at Marshalls put it out anyway. I mean, who would want to buy something like this?

ME.

So, if you happen to be at the Marshalls in Encino and it's still there...buy it. I'll pay you back.

Just don't tell my wife.