Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Lazy Paul Rugg Ousted At Froynlaven

Los Angeles - In yet another stunning shakeup at Froynlaven, Wendy Thomasina-Shmenz, President of Shmenz Communications Inc., the parent company of Froynlaven, has announced the firing of Lazy Paul Rugg as the blog's Editor-In-Chief.

Wendy Thomasina-Shmentz
Thomasina-Shmenz's announcement puts an end to months of speculation as to Lazy Paul Rugg's future at the fledging blog. Sources close to the situation have confirmed that Thomsina-Shmentz had grown increasingly annoyed at Lazy Paul Rugg's productivity, or, as one anonymous source is quoted as saying: "Total lack thereof."

Thomasina-Shmentz is rumored to have threatened Lazy Paul Rugg with a baseball bat on numerous occasions. Tina Winkler-Boxwood, a close friend of Thomasina-Shmentz, confided to sources that Thomasina-Shmentz tried repeatedly to get Lazy Paul Rugg to stop puttering around the house and write something on the blog. "She even snuck those iddy biddy bottles of 5 Hour Energy into his tea. But it didn't work. He continued to be totally unproductive, but in a wired sort of way."

Buck Castro
Buck Castro, who covers the blogosphere for Turkish Media, says it was only a matter of time before Lazy Paul Rugg got "totally fired for being lame. He hasn't done anything for months. Nothing. I hate him and his fat face. A squirrel would be better than him! A squirrel from Turkey! We have many squirrels in Turkey. You should visit our country and see our squirrels. They are quite friendly and hardly ever bite. Except during festival, but that's only once every three years. Our squirrels are incredibly tame and will take a benzor (peanut) from your mouth, provided your lips are pursed in an exact manner. We have a pamphlet on the proper technique which can be found at all our airports and busways. For a small fee, Tahoozies (guides) will accompany you to many of Turkey's squirrel andolaors (places). Here they will not only eat benzors (peanuts) from your mouth, but other ludi (small morsels or pellets) as well. Hatooms (grapes), Flekulata (compressed hay compote) and meki (gluten rind) are all loved by squirrels from your mouth. Talk to your travel agent about making Squirrel watching in Turkey part of your travel plans."

Thomasina-Shmentz named Productive Paul Rugg as Lazy Paul Rugg's replacement. "Productive Paul Rugg will bring his years of productivity and zeal to Froynlaven," Thomasina-Shmentz said. "And if he doesn't, I'll fire his butt, too."

Story filed by Wallace Ovite
Blog World Quarterly



  1. i am not surprised. Wendy Thomasina-Shmentz took over all my social activities because she said: "you are doing NOTHING socially, you has-been, boney-butt hermit. i fire you and laugh in your melting mermaid face as i go have fun with people you have lost touch with."

    sherri/slappy (and slappy is going to visit turkey and show Buck Castro a thing or two about "tame" squirrels.)

  2. Well I hope Productive Paul Rugg is as nice as Lazy Paul Rugg. Lazy Paul Rugg sent me a Freakazoid shirt AND a signed poster. Faboo to the max.

  3. I always figured "Lazy Paul Rugg" meant "Employed Paul Rugg", so that was a comfort...

    But maybe it's also a matter of moving the putteriness from the house to the barn.

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