Tuesday, January 12, 2010


This might be the most important blog I've ever written. It just might be the most important blog ever written by anyone...period.

I'll tell you why in a moment. But first, here's a update on how I'm doing cleaning my office.

The project has turned into
a total make-over. Things are being thrown out, furniture is being moved and...paint is going to be going up soon. These walls haven't seen new paint in 15 years and I'm told that's way too many.

I have purchased a paper-shredder and am shredding my heart out. I'm shredding everything. I'm shredding things that shouldn't even be shredded. But I don't care. Turns out I'm a good shredder. I've got a talent I didn't know about. I'm a shredding savant. I'm adding this to my resume right away. I've got a call into my agent to talk about how to position me in Hollywood as a writer/voice
actor with shredding abilities.

But all this shredding...all this cleaning...all this furniture moving...all this paint selection...all of this has been slightly stressful. (Especially if I want my flat screen TV in time for the Superbowl. I'm not into the Superbowl that much, but I can't imagine a better way to inaugurate it's arrival....especially if the game winds up being between the Cardinals and the Ravens. I've lost most of you, haven't I? You don't want to hear about the Superbowl or how my daughter and I are big Cardinals fans. I know. I don't even want to type it. But, I have and my backspace button is broken.)

By now you've probably realized everything I've written up to this point isn't part of the reason why this is the most important blog I've ever written. You're right. That's coming up right now.

Oh, but one quick thing before that. Paint color. You have to help me choose the paint color for my office. It's been forest green for a long time. This time around I'm thinking about a dark brown or a sand or something. Ralph Lauren has something called a suede finish. It's pretty nice. Here's the color. It's right over there.

That's a nice color, right?

So, now the important thing....oooh...almost forgot. One more thing, then I'll get to the important thing. Any recommendations for a 42" flat screen? It's gotta be an LCD or maybe one of the new ones with the LED backlights. But no plasmas because they use to much energy and I'm not going to contribute to global warming. Oh, wait...they're calling it global cooling this month. Well whatever it turns out to be I don't want to help it along. Anyway any recommendations would be super.

So, the important...nope. One more thing. Sorry. Uhm, we're hoping to rent an elderly man to come over every now and sit in a chair and tell pointless but pleasing stories. Know any? Could you pass along their info? Thanks.

Now, the important thing. As I've been cleaning my office, I've been slightly stressed. And then something occurred to me and it helped me. And I think, if you're stressed, this might help you, too. It's about Disneyland. And the Tiki Room.

I've been to Disneyland countless times. Both as a child and now as a father. Each and every visit, there comes that time when your legs are weary and you're tired, but you don't want to leave. You just need a nice...rest.

Many years ago when such times came up, my parents would lead us to the Tiki Room. There we'd sit and watch birds and flowers sing. After 20 minutes of this, we were ready to once again walk around Disnleyland and do more stuff. I've done this as a parent, too. A nice rest in the Tiki Room and my family is ready for more fun.

So, what I'd like to suggest is that when you are weary and stressed and don't think you can endure anymore...then escape to your inner Tiki Room. The Tiki Room in your head. The Tiki Room in my head may be different than yours. Mine has birds and flowers that sing, but there's also a magical dwarf named, Spiffer. Mine has a lazy boy chair that my wife doesn't find grotesque.

What's in your inner Tiki Room? Flowers? Lizards? Bugs? Songs? It would be kinda weird to have bugs in your inner Tiki Room, but it's your Tiki Room. I won't judge. Still, bugs would be weird.

So, when you are stressed. When you are weary. When you cannot endure. Close your eyes and go to your Inner Tiki Room. In 20 minutes you'll be fine. Close your eyes and go. (Unless you are an Air Traffic Controller. Don't go to your inner Tiki Room while your working. You're sorta outa luck. Just have a stiff drink after your shift ends and THEN go to your Inner Tiki Room.)

So, there it is.

I'm curious? What's in your Inner Tiki Room?


  1. My Inner Tiki Room consist of good stuff.

    If it's good, it's in there.

    If it's stuff, it's in there.

    Also, there are blueberry donuts, glazed, and total creative control of other things that suck real bad so thus I can make them good things.

    yay? Yay.

    Oh, and pie. TONS of pie. Some with ala mode ice cream, others with out.

  2. Nick Nitro,

    That's a fine Inner Tiki Room. A fine room, indeed. I understand why you'd go there.

    Would it be too presumptuous of me to suggest you also add donuts with the sprinkles? Would that be wrong? It's your Inner Tiki Room and I'm not trying to redecorate it or anything. But consider the donuts with sprinkles. Kay?

    Nice room, Nick. Very nice.


  3. My Inner Tiki Room is exactly like my regular room, except there is a fresh glass of orange juice, the computer is less outdated, and the floor doesn't need vacuuming.

  4. Rob,

    That's a fine Inner Tiki Room.A fine room, indeed.

    Consider adding donuts with sprinkles. Yes?


  5. Sorry, but my ITR would not have donuts, for they are spelled doughnuts in the world of my ITR. In my ITR's world, doughnuts are made from dough, whilst donuts are made from do, or maybe do-do. Doo doo? or dodo birds? Whatever it is, it's not very appetizing.

    Nevertheless, my actual room still would not have doughnuts.

    It would, however, have cinnamon rolls. And chocolate tikis, to make it an official tiki room. Sprinkles? On some of the chocolate tikis, sure.

    I'd say "HULA GIRLS!" but Linda would probably poke me. Maybe she has no access to my ITR, though. Or maybe my ITR is a poke-free zone. And Pokemon-free zone. That is certain. Neither Pokemon nor Poke-a-Ron. Yes.

  6. Re: TeeVees... you can't go wrong with a Panasonic or a Samsung. As I learned when purchasing my most recent power hogging plasma, you can't go wrong with Costco for all your shopping (and money saving) needs.

    Re: Inner Tiki Room... it has pizza. Greasy, warm, pizza. And robotic mice that sing happy birthday to me. It's a childhood memory but it's conflicting because there's also a pitcher of beer there. And inner child is not of drinking age, lest he get in trouble with the authorities.

  7. Ah yes.... Chuck E. Cheese's -- Where a Rat Can Be a Mouse.

    (He was a rat originally, but the current owners of the franchise decided that mice were more family-friendly. Sure, they made him cuter, but he still looks like a rat to me. I have since come to call those restaurants "Pizza Rat".)

    But does your pizza have doughnuts (or donuts) on it? or sprinkles? It's the new culinary sensation!

  8. "Uhm, we're hoping to rent an elderly man to come over every now and sit in a chair and tell pointless but pleasing stories. Know any? Could you pass along their info?"

    I know a young man who is very daughtering like an old man and likes to tell pointless but pleasing stories. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-QHW0AcNdw

    My inner Tiki room... hmmm. I'll have to conjure something. Maybe I'll go to Flatland http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmiXemW_oBQ

  9. My Inner Tiki Room has a life-size, animatronic Paul Rugg that randomly says things like "Hugbees!" and "Kibble!" every few minutes.

    And pie. Lots and lots of pie.