BOARD MEETING REMINDER

Just a reminder to everyone: we're going to have our Froynlaven board meeting tomorrow in the small conference room on the 2nd floor. (Across from that bigger room with those things on the door.)

I know it's Saturday, but I'd like us to get started at 8am sharp. We're going to have a presentation by our landscape chairman, Len Buttress, and I'd like everyone to be there. Len came by yesterday and gave me an overview and it was almost interesting.

Mrs. Yorgenson has also put together a subversive powerpoint presentation which we'll be showing after Len's.

Also, the maintenance people have informed me the restrooms will be closed for repair. So, I suggest everyone bring a jar or some other means of sanitary collection.

As always, Bridget has asked that we all pitch in and bring at least one side-dish. She's also asked me to remind everyone about Mrs. Layette's food allergies. So please don't bring anything that's been exposed to peanuts, eggs, bananas, greens, milk, wheat, meat from hoofed animals, air, felt, or poultry.

In order to help Bridget, would you all kindly respond with what you'll bring? That way, we won't duplicate and avoid the fight we had last month.

Billy Sawson has asked that we put 5 minutes on the agenda so he can show us that Abraham Lincoln superhero cartoon that he's worked so hard on. I think it's only fair that we support Billy in his efforts, so let's all try not to make fun of him like we did last time. (Ben? Mrs. Yorgenson?)

Also, I hate to mention this, but I'd ask everyone to try to shower before the meeting and use a good deodorant soap. (LifeBoy, Lava, Irish Spring, Dial, Zest) All these can be found at your local supermarket. Please avail yourself of these products.

I hope to conclude the meeting by 9pm. So, if anyone would like to go out afterwards, I think that would be nice. Kay Mamers has said that we're all welcome to come to her house. She'd like to remind everyone that her dogs bite if you look at them, so bring your special glasses.

Okay then, I'll see you all tomorrow.

OUCH!!!!

Thanks to Kevin for sending this my way. Now, I finally know what I would do if I had a hammer...

A 4th Of July Referral...

Thanks to LuminouSpecter for this...

JAMIE

Way back in 1997, a polite, bright young man was on a brief break from his studies at Annapolis. That Annapolis. The Navy Annapolis.

This particular young man happened to be a big fan of all things animation. But...not just any animation...WARNER BROTHERS ANIMATION. I told you he was bright, right?

Jamie also happened to be my wife's younger cousin. She asked if I could do something special for him and so, I sorta did. He and his mom spent an afternoon watching one of Richard Stone's last scoring sessions for Freakazoid on the Warners lot. We had food in the commissary. We chatted animation. Bugs. Daffy. Wacko. Freakazoid.

That was many years ago.

Today, Jamie is on his second tour of duty in Afghanistan as a helicopter commander. His wife, three kids (with another one on the way) eagerly await his return.

Jamie is still a big fan of animation. I shipped him the 2nd season of Freakazoid all the way to Afghanistan last year.

I thought of Jamie today. I've heard the heat is close to 111 every day.

I thought of him because I'm struggling with another writing project. What should that character say? What should happen next? It's all soooo difficult. In air conditioned comfort. With my wife and daughter in the next room.

Reality check.

Anyway, please keep Jamie in your prayers. As well as Deanna Oliver's son, Colin.

Come back safe, guys.

THE BIGGEST THREAT TO THIS COUNTRY!!!!

No, it's not that oil spill. Scientists and Nobel Prize winners are working on that. So, that's gonna work out okay. (Although, as a man who has seen more that his share of science fiction movies, I would be remiss if I didn't remind the President that in all of those movies, the scientists never get it right. They either go mad, or because of extreme idealism are killed by the creature they are trying to "understand."Watch Forbidden Planet if you don't believe me. Doc was lulled by science and almost ate it.

If there's anything these movies have proved is that you need a rugged individualist like James Arness to throw a wrench at it. Or a barrel. Or something else.

Anyway, that's not what I want to warn all America about today. The threat I am referring to is big. And secret. And if we aren't careful, it's going to destroy us all.

I am writing this blog from a secret location where we spend much of the summer. It's on the coast a few hours away from LA. Here, over the years, we have observed many people from different countries. For the most part, they have given us no reason to fear.

Well, that has all changed. FEAR! Do you hear me, Americans! Fear! And what should you fear? I'll tell you...

CAPRI PANTS...FOR MEN!!!!!

Yes, I've seen them. And, we need to stop it. I first saw this insidious horror while in Scotland a few years back. A man was wearing...not pants...not shorts...but something that came up to the ankles. I shuddered. This was wrong. These pants are exclusively reserved for Barbie. Or my daughter.

But on men, it is...I can't even explain. The horror. THE HORROR.

Upon leaving Scotland I thought I had left the site of those pants behind. But no. NO.

I have seen them this week...not once. Not twice. But MANY times. The men wearing these pants are NOT FROM HERE. No, they are from elsewhere. From other countries. Countries where, I suppose, they have given up. Thrown in the towel. Have not stood firm when someone suggests, "These are Capri Pants for men. Would you like to try them?"

I beg all men in America. Please, stand your ground. If a wife, salesman, census worker, et al... suggest you might look good in Capri Pants, know they are evil. Stand your ground. Resist. repeat this simple phrase...CAPRI PANTS FOR MEN ARE STUPID, VILE AND A THREAT TO MY WAY OF LIFE.

If you don't...

We are ruined.

CRYING UPDATE

Yeah.

Today was the day. That song. With the kids. You know. A sea of 300 kids doing this song. I tried to be strong. I did. Ugh. I failed. Water came out my eyes.

My wife looked at me. I tried to hold it together. I didn't. She didn't either.

However...I was not alone. Most of the other parents were also sobbing wrecks.

Anyway. The school year is done.

Onward to summer.

BUT...

The beginning of the school year is a few months away they're gonna sing that song again.

I need to prepare...

I Know I'm Going To Cry

Because it never fails. I cry. I keep it inside. But, still. I cry. Water escapes out my eyes. I can't help it. Anyway, in two days, I'm gonna cry.

My daughter's Catholic school has a tradition both at the beginning of the year and at the end of the year. There's a 'Start Of School Mass' and an 'End of School Mass.' At the end of each of these Masses, the entire student body sings a song while doing sign language.

So approximately 300 kids...1st grade to 8th grade...all sing this song. The first time I witnessed this I looked around and saw all these kids singing this song and doing sign language. Within moments, I was a utter lump of flesh unable to stand. My wife looked at me and wondered why water was coming out my eyes. I don't know. Sometimes...things just sorta hit ya. It was the earnestness. The utter innocence. Kids. Ya know? Good kids.

Well, this year I am prepared. I have special glasses that will prevent anyone from seeing that I am overcome with emotion. These glasses look like I've just had major eye surgery and am 80 years old and am a dangerous driver. But I don't care. I need these glasses.

I know that upon hearing this song sung and signed by the kids, I will melt. And if the glasses don't work, I have a plan "B". I will drop my keys on the floor and pretend to find them. (I cannot claim this move as my own. It's my dad's. Shortly after Vatican II, a part of the Mass had us all shake hands and exchange the sign of peace. My father hated that and would pretend to tie his shoes. Or, he would pretend he had an infectious disease. Or, he would simply say, "I hate you.")

Regardless, when the kids all sit in the pews and sing this song I will have the sniffles. So, here's plan "C". I plan to wear a shirt that says, "I Have Allergies And Am Not Overly Emotional".

Here's plan "D". When people hear me crying, I will tell them I am rehearsing for an audition. The role is for a monkey who is lost and recovering from heat rash. Very severe heat rash. A heat rash so nasty as to make the monkey cry a lot.

Anyway, it's a few days away. I'm already weeping just thinking about watching these kids sing, but I have special glasses so you can't tell. Ha ha.

So, here is the song they do. It's religious, so if you can't handle that, move on...