Chester Phelph's Exciting Special

Hope everyone can join Chester for his first ever television special on Froynlaven!

Praise For Paul Rugg's Book Announcement

Well....wow. Just wow. I can't tell everyone how humbled and...another word for humbled...and yet another, different word for humbled but with a slightly different meaning...I am. (I'm sorry, but the thesaurus on my computer isn't working. So, you'll have to bare with me. Or bear with me. Sorry but the spell check thingy and the grammar gizmo is also busted.)

Anyway...

Ever since I annoonced that my book on Writing Animation is in the works, I've been ininundilatedated with emails from people who are excited and...another word for excited...and yet another, different word for excited but with a slightly different meaning. I'm super gravilgakin. Really.

Leonard Krelms of Baywater wrote:  

"Mr. Rugg! I've often hoped and prayed that someone would write a book on writing animation. And now, you are! Now people will know how to do that! I feel your book will be the most important thing to come out this year. You have not paid me to say that. I have never met you. I have the documents to prove it and will repudiate with all force at my disposal anyone who asserts otherwise. They are liars and probably jealous. Can't wait!"

Thanks, Leonard! I can also say that I never heard of you before I received your email and can back up that claim with various documents and affidavits. Nor have I exchange any goods or services to solicit...another word for solicit...and yet another, different word for solicit but with a stronger meaning...a fake email by you which endorses my book. I further assert and another word for assert and another word for assert that I have no financial interest whatsoever in the Baywater Development Company, and, as of last week, divested all shares in said company...etc. etc. etc...to whit, all monies do me...etc. etc. etc...have been nuanced and applied to various holding companies to which I am sole shareholder. My attorney, Arnold Buxzum, has directed me to assert my rights through these holding companies to legally deny that we ever had any direct contact.

So, anyway! Keep those emails cooming!

TV Animation Writing 101 - Intro To Lesson One

The time has come, dear reader of Froynlaven, for me to pass the baton to a younger generation; a generation that yearns to write in that most noble field of TV Animation. Why they yearn to do that is unknown to me. People's yearnings are very personal. I think Virgil expressed it best when he wrote, "I yearn. You yearn. We all yearn for something." (Interestingly, it was Horace Lombash who, while working in the marketing department of the Des Moines Creamery in 1893,  modified Virgil's immutable words to 'I scream. You scream. We all scream for Ice Cream.' Lombash's popular saying helped ice cream sales to skyrocket. By 1894, the Des Moines Creamery was the largest manufacturer of Ice Cream in the Northern Hemisphere. Sadly, in 1895, a rabid beaver attacked the Des Moines plant, leading to the death of most of the creamery's workers. Horace Lombash was spared, but never worked in ice cream again. He disappeared. 10 years later he resurfaced as First Lady of Bolivia.)

And so, I bid a fond adieu to writing TV Animation. It has been interesting, sometimes fun, and incredibly lucrative. I've been able to purchase three homes, five private jets and a wide array of personal, exotic luxury watercraft. Not to mention a Panda called, Xia Lu, which lives in my sprawling back yard behind an electrified pen. (Pandas are very cute. But I've learned the hard way; DON'T THROW BANANAS AT THEM.)

And please...fear not. I am not retiring. I am simply shifting my focus to different writing endeavors. I shall hopefully be able to talk about said endeavors some time in November. 

Anyway, I think it's only fair that I at least attempt to teach some of what I know about writing TV Animation to whoever is interested. Lessons will begin tomorrow. I will teach you what I was taught on my first day at Warner Brothers Animation. It's a style of writing TV Animation that I think you'll find interesting. It's also really useful.

My course is free. Because I am incredibly rich and can afford it.

Join me tomorrow for Lesson One.

And THAT'S How You Land A Rover On Mars!!!

Forgive me for a moment while I geek out and make a total fool of myself.

WOOOOO! AHHHHHH! OHHHHHH! BLEEEEEEERK! SNNNNNERBY!!!! WOWWWWW!

A photo taken my the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter which shows Curiosity hanging from its supersonic parachute as it drops toward the surface of Mars.

Had you been at the Rugg homestead last night at around 10:31 PM, those are noises you would have heard me make as we watched the newest Mars rover, Curiosity, triumphantly touch down on Mr. Bradbury's wonderfully red planet. (I'm not entirely sure what SNNNNNNERBY means. But it's a good noise. A happy noise.)

Long-time readers of this inestimable blog are well aware by now that I'm a bit of a fanatic about aviation and space. I am, as my wife informed me, a "Rover Hugger". That's a term she found on the internet that describes people like me who avidly follow the comings and going of those plucky little robots on Mars.

Had I not been one of St. Viator Elementary School's "worst students of all time" and unable to tie my shoes  until I was 17, there's a good chance I would have been a brilliant engineer that made cool Mars rovers. However, as one of St. Viator Elementary School's worst students of all time and unable to tie my shoes until I was 17, there was little I could do except for TV Animation.  (On a side note, I recently  came across a letter written to my parents by my 8th grade teacher which stated, "We feel Paul will need constant care throughout his adult years. Please plan accordingly. We can recommend a number of wonderful group homes.")

Anyway...

Curiosity is safely down on the surface of Mars and the whole thing couldn't have been more exciting. Seriously. If you don't believe me, then please take the next 5 minutes to watch what it had to go through.




I hope you watched that and didn't just pretend to watch that because it's really cool. And if you did just pretended to watch it, but are now feeling somewhat sheepish and slightly curious, go ahead and watch it now. Go ahead. Don't be shy. We'll all wait.

Pretty awesome, right? So there we were last night watching all of this live. In the weeks leading up to the landing I had forced my family to watch the above video countless times. (That's the video I asked you to watch and you did. Right? If you didn't. Do it now. There's still time. Seriously. Don't be ashamed. Just do it.) So, having watched the video, we all knew the various things that had to happen as the rover made it's way down. Luckily my family got into it and you would have thought it was the superbowl. When we heard that the parachute had deployed, we clapped. We we heard the heat shield had come off we clapped. When we heard the rockets had fired for powered flight, we cheered. When the sky crane started doing it's thing...I think that's when I made my SNERRRRRBY sound. And when Curiosity said it had arrived, I jumped up and down. Cuz it's cool. And there aren't enough cool things happening today.

Thanks to the rock star engineers and scientists at JPL for putting some cool back into the world. It needed it.

Now if you'll excuse me, we're going out and I need my wife to tie my shoes.

Thank You, Dear

Alas, my intention to keep this inestimable blog chock-full of wonderful goodness throughout the summer has flamed-out spectacularly. Work (that which I do for a living and often regret) once again reared it's ugly head and crushed me like a small thing that is crushed beneath something large. And it hurt. And I couldn't blog. Throughout it all I carried deep-seated resentments about said work...and longed for the day when steady employment would yield to joys of communicating with you for little or no money.

And so, with said work now behind me, and little or no work ahead of me, it's time to get down to business and thank my wife, who, on our recent summer vacation to the great Pacific Northwest, spent five hours with me at Seattle's Museum Of Flight. Actually, she didn't really spend it with me per se...she followed me as I gleefully ran from one display to the next. She waited patiently as I gently caressed and whispered sweet nothings to "The City Everett", the first 747 ever built. She patiently waited as I sprinted over to the Lockheed Super Constellation and gawked at its sleek neato-ness. She then lovingly placed herself on a bench as my daughter and I painstakingly combed through the museum's store for a scale model of a Boeing Stratocruiser 377. Two hours later, we emerged from the store, victory in hand. Plus a nice Boeing baseball cap. Plus a T-Shirt which says, "If It's Not Boeing, I'm Not Going." Plus a die-cast model of a Lockheed Super Constellation. Plus a keychain. Plus a bunch of other stuff.

Thank you, dear. I promise to return the favor one day when you really want to go somewhere. As long as it's not boring. Like ballet. Cuz, that's super boring. And no modern dance, either. I hate that stuff. But anything else. I promise. As long as it's not something cultural. I hate that. And don't drag me to the Museum of Fabrics or something like that. Blech. But, anything else. Seriously. I love you. I want to return the favor. AND NO JAPANESE GARDEN CRAP. At all! I WON'T GO. But, anything else. Seriously. I love you. No sculpture exhibits. Got it? Gross. Boring. Hello? Anything else.

I love you.

R.I.P. Trololo Guy. And Thank You...

I have just been informed by a close friend that Eduard Khil, better known as the Trololo Guy passed away this morning. He was 77. I think it's only fitting that we take a moment to remember this man and his work.

Tomorrow's Weather

Scattered patches of sunshine which will turn into other things as the day goes on. Highs should be in the upper portion of the livable range. Lows will generally be the same.

The Best Thing Ever Done On Froynlaven By Chester Phelph

Hi, this is Chester. Please watch the following video as many times as possible. They are getting angry with me that not enough of you are watching what I've done. So, here's something you are bound to pass along and get viral.

Thanks. Chester A. Phelph.

Chester's First Blog And Art Project

Chester A. Phelph's First Blog Is Minutes Away!

Hi. So, my blog is coming sooper soon. Like in an hour. Until then, check out the silly pictures of kitties in stuff which I have added captions to.

Chester A. Phelph

Pitching Animated Shows

Whenever I speak at universities or car factories, the same question is invariably asked of me: "How do you get a network to buy an idea for an animated series?"

I always answer this question differently and try make it as confusing as possible.

You see, the television animation business is a crowded place. And I'll do anything I can to get a leg up on the competition.  The last thing I want is some snot-nosed, animation school graduate to muscle in on my turf with his or her fresh ideas and newfangled characters. I have a family to feed. I have a dog missing a foot. While this isn't expensive now, it could be. The government might pass a law requiring me to make my dog "whole" by giving him a new foot. That probably won't be cheap. And I have to be ready. There's probably a lot of blood work and grafting and gross stuff. Gross stuff costs a pretty peeny. (You probably think I made a mistake there and meant to write 'penny'. I didn't. A peeny is a new form of currency my neighbor is developing. I've seen it and it's real.)

So, yeah. I say a lot of confusing stuff to throw potential animation writers off the trail.

But I'll tell you Froynlaven readers the truth. After all, some of you are paying close to 100 dollars a month to subscribe to this blog, so I think I owe it to you. (If you are not currently paying close to 100 dollars a month to subscribe to this blog, would you take a moment to consider it? Please? I already told you about my dog, right? What if I threw in a tote bag?)

So here's the straight scoop: networks buy ideas that are good. The gooder the better. Sometimes they buy mediocre ideas in the hope of making them good. And a lot of times they buy good ideas and make them mediocre. But generally they are looking for a good idea. That's the secret. And now you know. Good ideas. That's what the networks want.

And it just so happens I have five good ideas that I'm toying with right now. These are really good. Pitch season is coming up and I'm really trying to narrow any of these five good ideas down to the one good idea I'm going to pitch. I thought maybe...maybe you all wouldn't mind giving them a read and letting me know which you think is the goodest of the best. I know I'm taking a bit of a risk by putting my best stuff out there. But, I trust you all. You're paying 100 bucks a month. Why wouldn't I trust you.

So, okay. Here are the five ideas. Just lemme know which one is your favorite. Okay? Thanks. (Some of these I have titles for. Some I don't.)

1. Untitled Horse Project. There are these horses and they talk and junk. And there's one horse who is sarcastic. And sometimes he gets in over his head and junk happens.

2. Untitled Bee Project. There are these bees and they all talk and junk. And there's one bee who is sarcastic. And sometimes he gets in over his head and junk happens.

3. Possum Boy. There are these possums and they all talk and junk. And there's one possum (Possum Boy) who is sarcastic. And sometimes he gets in over his head and junk happens.

4. Mighty Diatoms. There are these diatoms and they all talk and junk. And there's one diatom who is sarcastic. And sometimes he gets in over his head and junk happens.

5. Untitled Project. I haven't figured this one out entirely.

Please don't steal any of these! But let me know your favorite.

Lazy Paul Rugg Ousted At Froynlaven

Los Angeles - In yet another stunning shakeup at Froynlaven, Wendy Thomasina-Shmenz, President of Shmenz Communications Inc., the parent company of Froynlaven, has announced the firing of Lazy Paul Rugg as the blog's Editor-In-Chief.

Wendy Thomasina-Shmentz

Thomasina-Shmenz's announcement puts an end to months of speculation as to Lazy Paul Rugg's future at the fledging blog. Sources close to the situation have confirmed that Thomsina-Shmentz had grown increasingly annoyed at Lazy Paul Rugg's productivity, or, as one anonymous source is quoted as saying: "Total lack thereof."

Thomasina-Shmentz is rumored to have threatened Lazy Paul Rugg with a baseball bat on numerous occasions. Tina Winkler-Boxwood, a close friend of Thomasina-Shmentz, confided to sources that Thomasina-Shmentz tried repeatedly to get Lazy Paul Rugg to stop puttering around the house and write something on the blog. "She even snuck those iddy biddy bottles of 5 Hour Energy into his tea. But it didn't work. He continued to be totally unproductive, but in a wired sort of way."

Buck Castro

Buck Castro, who covers the blogosphere for Turkish Media, says it was only a matter of time before Lazy Paul Rugg got "totally fired for being lame. He hasn't done anything for months. Nothing. I hate him and his fat face. A squirrel would be better than him! A squirrel from Turkey! We have many squirrels in Turkey. You should visit our country and see our squirrels. They are quite friendly and hardly ever bite. Except during festival, but that's only once every three years. Our squirrels are incredibly tame and will take a benzor (peanut) from your mouth, provided your lips are pursed in an exact manner. We have a pamphlet on the proper technique which can be found at all our airports and busways. For a small fee, Tahoozies (guides) will accompany you to many of Turkey's squirrel andolaors (places). Here they will not only eat benzors (peanuts) from your mouth, but other ludi (small morsels or pellets) as well. Hatooms (grapes), Flekulata (compressed hay compote) and meki (gluten rind) are all loved by squirrels from your mouth. Talk to your travel agent about making Squirrel watching in Turkey part of your travel plans."

Thomasina-Shmentz named Productive Paul Rugg as Lazy Paul Rugg's replacement. "Productive Paul Rugg will bring his years of productivity and zeal to Froynlaven," Thomasina-Shmentz said. "And if he doesn't, I'll fire his butt, too."

Story filed by Wallace Ovite
Blog World Quarterly



 

And, The Winners Are...

Janice West!!!

Austin Nebbia!!!

Valerie Tidwell!!!

Josh Gerbrandt!!!

Sorry it has taken me so long to give ya'll the results of our Froynlaven/Angels Way Charity Donation thingy...but I've been knee-deep in clearing out my old office in time for our new guest!

And, as is fitting, this blog is the first official thing I have done in my new digs here at the Froynlaven World Headquarters/Barn.

So, let us all thank Jan, Austin, Valeria and Josh for helping out Angels Way. Posters all around!

And...