DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME...OR ON STAGE

Thanks to Tom Ruegger for combing through Youtube for this...well...I think it's some form of entertainment. I have watched it a few times. I think it proves well the old adage I don't quite remember. But it proves it.

If I were still doing Manny The Uncanny, I would steal this guy's act.

If you're still with me, I'd like to propose a little contest of sorts. YES. A FROYNLAVEN VIDEO CHALLENGE. I'll even do it, too.

Please spare no expense in making a small video of you or your group doing something not even remotely entertaining, but with such enthusiasm and dancing happiness as too make us believe what you have done is amazing. I will do it, too. (No knives, though.)

You can email me your link on youtube...or you may email it to me...or whatever you like. Let's say we have a week or something.

Keeper? Takineko?

Paul

PS, You can find the Froynlaven email directly to the right and above...

HOW TO WASTE TIME

I have a 30 page script due in 9 days. This morning I started the script by typing, "FADE IN:" That was three hours ago.

Since then I have been deeply engaged in a website that tells you what TV stars you think are dead...aren't. James Arness is still with us.

This is James Arness.

And he's still with us. (In case I haven't made that clear.)

Now back to the script which is due in 9 days. It seems that I wrote more than "FADE IN:" this morning. I also wrote, "EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - MORNING. An imposing figure in silhouette."

I don't know why I didn't finish that sentence. "An imposing figure in silhoutte..." The imposing figure in silhouette should be doing something. I probably didn't write what the imposing figure in silhouette was doing because it would have been wrong and I would have to continue writing to get it right...and that, my friends...is why finding out what TV stars I think were dead...but aren't...became so important.

The not-dead TV stars website also linked me to the vitally important "What Names Famous Stars Were Born With."

Did you know, Alan Alda's real name is Alfonso Joseph D'Abruzzo?

This is Alan Alda.

He's not dead either.

The bottom line here is that the very first page in a script is the least pleasant. If I could skip over that page and move to page 19...that would be dandy. By page 19, there's no time to worry if it's all working, because a dealine. You gotta finish. But page one. That dreary, nasty, extremely temperamental page one is the hardest of pages. Each word is fraught with peril. It's a minefield of options...

On any other day I would never consider for a moment wanting to know who's alive that I think is dead. Only page one days like this cause my mind to seek refuge wherever I can. Sometimes, page one days...as this one is turning out to be...has caused me to scour YOUTUBE for videos of dogs doing stupid things. Hours. And hours.

Which, by the way, leads me to this video. Enjoy...

"

I'm not proud that I spent many hours finding this video. It's that damn page one thing!

Anyway, I better go. I need to figure out what the imposing figure in silhouette is going to do. Chances are the first 15 things won't be right.

I hate page one.

IN A SOVIET STATE OF POOH

So, my delight of having seen Edward Hill's amazing rendition of TROLOLO, got me investigating other things that the Soviets did that I might like...besides making life in Cuba so horrible that my future wife would move to Burbank and I would meet her one day.

Such an investigation has led me to Winnie The Pooh. But...the Soviet version; Vinni Puh. I expected to find it was so terrible...so gloriously awful...that I would put it up for you to laugh at. However, I found I rather liked it...and, in fact...I think it's a little closer to what A.A. Milne was going for. (That's just me.)

Anyway, here you go. It even has English subtitles.

THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN!!!!

Thanks to my buddy and screenwriter, Kevin Aldrich, I have received this gift of a lifetime. I'm glowing with happiness. You will, too.

IT'S JONATHAN HARRIS DAY

Why? Because I came across the following clip on Youtube and it made me think fondly of the old guy.

I've mentioned before that when Freakazoid ended and we all went our separate ways, my phone would ring every so often and it would be Jonathan. He'd say something like, "How do you feel about lunch? Call McCann."

I'd call my co-producer on Freakazoid, John McCann, and we'd meet Jonathan at Mistral in Studio City. There, over a few chardonnays, Jonathan would hold court as only he could do.

So, today, on Jonathan Harris day, I'd like you to watch the following clip. You have to pretend you're in a darkened restaurant. You're eating a breadstick. You're sipping wine. You have to get back to work...but the stories the old guy is telling are just too good. Work can wait.

A master is at work...

FROYNLAVEN AWARDS

Thanks for everyone's votes. I know it seems like we've been talking about this for months, but I've tallied everything and here are the results.

Again, thanks to everyone who contributed.

The Froynlaven awards go to:

1. Cecile B. Tiggit Of Hamilton Beach, California.

2. Dr. Vincent Noyman, Director Of Studies, UCHM, VDOC

3. Renny & Pam Welch

4. Ermice P. Ceepage

5. Sader Almapuper

6. (Tie) Clem Tugger & Vernald Loon

7. Mardi and Dendril Snevi

8. Bix Mayworth and his Bird, Chico

9. (Tie) Squint Balshort & Kep Lesang

10. Ida Gumma

Again, thanks everyone for helping out on this.

ERLAX

Remember, when things get tough....when things are just too overwhelming...take a deep breath and erlax. Serious. Erlax, man. Sometimes you just gotta go in your room, shut the door, lay on the bed and erlax.

What? You don't know what "erlax" means? Seriously? Well, to be honest...me neither. But, I'll try to explain...

A few weeks ago my wife and I were killing time while my daughter was at a birthday party. We walked down the street and passed by Marshalls. Maybe you all don't have a Marshalls where you live. Maybe it's called something else. Maybe Grimelys. Or Huntelys. Or Pattersons. Or Zacks. Or...well...you get the idea.

Now, I had never been in a Marshalls. Inside are a bunch of things that other stores couldn't sell. They have clothes. Shoes. Things that used to be toys. They also have housewares and stuff. It was in the housewares section that I came across the find of a lifetime. Something so special and neat and yummy that I had to have it. It was only 6 dollars. 6 DOLLARS!

And my wife said, "no."

"No?" I replied. "It's only six dollars!"

"No," she said. "It'll only gather dust. I don't want a bunch of junk in the house."

"But, look at it!" I said. "That's the best thing I've ever seen! I can't just walk away from THAT! Look at it! Tell me it isn't the best thing you've ever seen! Tell me."

"I don't want it in the house. There's nowhere to put it."

"I'll put it in my office! There's plenty of room!"

"No. We just spent three months getting rid of stuff in there. You don't need anymore junk."

"Junk? JUNK? How can you possibly call that JUNK? That's one of the most wonderful things I'VE EVER SEEN! IT'S AWESOME! AND I NEED IT!"

"No. That's how your office got cluttered in the first place."

"It's only SIX DOLLARS! SIX DOLLARS!!!!!!!"

"Paul, someone has to stop you. This is one of those times. No."

I sighed deeply. Took out my phone and took a picture of it. If I couldn't have it, I'd at least be able to look at a picture of it from time to time and ponder what it would have been like to have it on my shelf. The find of a lifetime. The most perfect thing I've ever seen."

Anyway. Prepare yourself. Here it is...

It was made in China. Probably on a Friday. The factory worker glued the E and the R in the wrong places. No big deal. But what surprises me is that the folks at Marshalls put it out anyway. I mean, who would want to buy something like this?

ME.

So, if you happen to be at the Marshalls in Encino and it's still there...buy it. I'll pay you back.

Just don't tell my wife.