Tuesday, June 15, 2010


And it's not always easy. Because sometimes nothing interesting happens to me. And sometimes I can't think of anything interesting to write.

However, not so this fine morn. Morn is short for morning. That's not particularly interesting or the interesting thing I'm going to write about, it's just something I thought you might like to know. You can use it if you want. You can say something like, "Boy, isn't this a fine morn?" And when someone asks you what you meant, you can refer them to this blog. Or you can tell them yourself if you're comfortable with the explanation. If you're not, you really shouldn't attempt it.

Anyway, here are some interesting things...

1. Jay Leno Sightings. Okay, so after I drop off my daughter at school at 7:45, I get on the 101 and head into Burbank to spend some time at Nickelodeon. As I get in the left lane to merge onto the 134, I have been next to, behind, in front of, or a few cars away from Jay Leno. Not once mind you, but this is approaching at least 20 times in the past two months. Mr. Leno is always in a different car. A fancy car or a sports car, or a classic car, or some other car that rich, car enthusiasts like to drive. I don't know what those are called, so, don't ask. From what I have seen, Mr. Leno is a fine driver, although he tends to speed right after the 134 turn off.

Anyway, I thought that was interesting. But, as this is the last week of school, I doubt I will see Mr. Leno again until September. So, there's a loss there for me. Not a big one. But a loss none the less. Anyway, that's interesting, right? Isn't it?

2. Lunch Meetings. Readers of this blog know how much I hate auditions. You may be interested to know that I hate lunch meetings even more. A lunch meeting is usually set up by my writing agent. At these lunch meetings I have lunch with someone I don't know who is supposedly interested in hiring me. Because I don't know the person, a great deal of time will always be taken up by trying to find them in the restaurant. I hate that part. The restaurants will always be incredibly trendy and called something like, Hama Hama, or Q's, or Sasafras, or 116, or Piche Piche. There will always be no parking and I'll have to use the valet. That means I'll have to clean out my car...because my car is always filled with junk and it's embarrassing when the valet opens my door and three empty bottles of orange Fanta fall out.

And then comes to the lunch. I will talk to this person I don't know and we will eat in front of each other while talking about stuff. I will want to eat all the bread and use all the butter, but won't because this is California and folks are afraid of bread and are suspicious of people that aren't. The waiter will always come over and tell us about the specials of the day. I'll pretend to listen and nod and say things like, "That sounds great." The waiter will usually end by saying the last dish is drizzled in a balsamic vinaigrette and covered in ground huntun seed.

Then we'll eat. My wife has told me that I don't really have a meal, I devour it in a manner akin to a scene from Quest For Fire. But, at these meetings, I am always careful to maintain my dignity. I'll try not to pick up the food with my fingers and shove it in my mouth. I'll try not to ask for ketchup. I'll try not to wipe my hands on my shirt. I'll try to be charming, interesting and not show that I'd like to be anywhere else.

I have told my agent that I don't want to go on any more lunch meetings. Unless it's at Chucky Cheese. That would be fun.

3. Press Conferences After Basketball Games Are Stupid. I'm sorry, but they are. What is there to say? Come on. Seriously. Well, usually here's what there is to say. "We need to control the ball." That's always a good one. "We need to play our game." That's always interesting. But perhaps my favorite is always, "They beat us."


  1. Wow, you're so very interesting, I feel I have nothing to share with you.

    Um... my cat eats plastic. I find that interesting don't you? She also likes cheddar cheese popcorn, but she "no can has". That's LOLcat speak for "she can't have it" because it's bad for her.

  2. [Cat's only understand LOLcat speak, which is basically cutesy broken English. I wonder what foreign people do when they want to communicate with their cats...]

  3. Yeah, basketball press conferences are lame. "We need to control the ball," indeed. Sheesh. They should take a lesson from ice hockey players. "We need to control the puck." So much better.