Hey, everybody! I'm in Reykvavik, Iceland! Wooo! It's cold. I don't have much time because my accountant and I are about to meet with some government people cuz...I'M BUYING ICELAND! Wow! I get chills every time I say that. Iceland! Friggin' ICELAND! I mean, it's a whole country. Whoa!The way the whole thing came together was totally weird. I called my accountant the other day and he said that I've maintained pretty good credit even though the economy is tanking and did I want to buy Iceland. And I'm like, "Are you kidding? Iceland. Yaaaaa! I think so!"
I guess Iceland is totally broke and with my good credit I can dip into my home equity and....FRIGGIN BUY ICELAND! ICELAND!
My accountant did warn me though that I'd sorta be responsible for everybody in Iceland if I bought it and did I want all the pressure and I thought about and said probably.
I'm probably gonna throw out their constitution cuz it's in Icelandic and I don't read that. Bottom line there's only gonna be five or six laws and everyone is gonna kinda be left to do whatever they want.
I guess I'll be president or something, but since I own the country, I don't think I can get voted out cuz it's my country and I'll just tell them to leave. Or something. I gotta figure that whole part out.
Plus, with my auditions, from time to time I'm gonna have to leave my country to go to Burbank and I'll have to leave someone in charge. Probably my wife.
Plus...me and the whole family really love Puffins. They got gobs of Puffins over here in Iceland.
Anyway, I'll tell ya'll how it goes after my meeting.
I'm buying FRIGGIN' ICELAND!
I vaguely recall that scant days ago, you described the reaction of the average Cuban when temperatures get down to a bone-chilling 55 degrees when they have to go outside to car: in effect, to dress up as if they were Captain Scott of the Antarctic.
ReplyDeleteHow does Mrs. Rugg propose to handle the colder temperatures of Iceland?
I mean, it's Iceland. Made of ice. That means the buildings are made of ice. The hills are made of ice. The streets are paved with golden ice. (Don't ask.)
Are you sure you aren't being taken by some slick salesman, Mad Bernie Madoffosson, trying to sell you phoney real estate?
When I have a perfectly good bridge I could see you right here in New York?
Michael,
ReplyDeleteWe're going to have our people build an indoor warmatorium. Cuz, those Icelandic people are smart and they'll know what I mean when I say that the Mrs. wants a warmatorium.
Paul
But if she's outdoors, how is an indoor warmatorium going to help her? You either need to bring the outdoors indoors, or the indoors outdoors.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, Iceland is full of volcanoes. Which sort of cuts against it being Iceland. I mean, have you ever tried putting lava in a glass of Coca-Cola?
If you own it, you should be able to create voice acting jobs for yourself out there!
ReplyDeleteCan I have like, a fiord? Or something?
I don't have much to offer you except maybe a sculpted figure made of chocolate.
You know, for a sculpted figure made of chocolate, the government would be willing to give you Citibank, and throw in Syracuse, New York ABSOLUTELY FREE!
ReplyDeleteOperators are standing by. Why, we don't know.
Really?!
ReplyDeleteWow, I didn't realize I was sitting on such a goldmine! Now if only Warner Brothers would fork over the rights for me to sell my Warner sculptures...
On the downside, though, now you're responsible for the care, feeding, and corraling Björk. Do you really have that sort of spare time?
ReplyDeleteWhat I'm getting at is, I'd really like to apply for the position of Official Björk-Wrangler. Consider, won't you?