Wednesday, January 14, 2009


So. Uhm. I'll explain everything tomorrow. I just used my one phone call to connect to the internet so I could blog this. (Can you even believe they don't have WIFI in jail?  I had to use dial-up for goodness gravy.)

So. I'll blog tomorrow and tell you what happened. Right now I gotta keep my wits about me. A few minutes ago some man (I THINK HE'S A GANG MEMBER) looked at me in an aggressive manner. Luckily, the guard gave me a small pamphlet when I got locked up. It's called, "How To Talk In Jail." So when this guy (THE ONE I THINK IS A GANG MEMBER) looked at me in an aggressive manner, I read what to do in my pamphlet. I then looked at the guy (THE GANG MEMBER I TOLD YOU ABOUT) and said, "Yo! You doggin me? Whoever dog me go down in dog town with with his heini wrapped behind his ass!"

Anyway. It worked. He just gave me his extra piece of hard tack and said he wanted to be my friend. So there.


  1. Oh no!
    Paul in prison, there's an image!
    [Did the pamphlet happen to have a diogram about how to wrap a heini behind an ass?]
    My mom told me you shouldn't accept hard tack from gang members, I don't know if that applies when you're in jail though..

    Well I'm glad you were able to rig the pay phone to give you dial-up access. Tomorrow we'll have John send you a nail file hidden in a bowl of ham jelly.

  2. If you see my son Luke in there, would you please ask him to call me? I don't know where he put the keys to the Focus and I need them to get the mileage for the insurance claim. Thanks! How's the chipped beef? I hear it's good.


  3. You've not had a very good week, Paul. First you fall down a mine shaft, then you get talked into a dubious film deal, now jail time.

    (Why am I reminded of the Was (Not Was) song, "Dad, I'm In Jail"?)

  4. Holy crap, Ricardo Montelban just died today!.... -.-

    Why does every article about it refer to him as "Fantasy Island actor"?

  5. Paul,

    I sent you a cake for your birthday care of the prison... it's your favorite icing with heavy filling.

    Very sad news indeed about Sr. Montalban... I posted some fond memory YouTubes to my blog this afternoon including "Laugh with me Jacko..." Sigh. :(


  6. Alas yes. We shall always laugh with him, and think of him whenever we say "weenie". But in a good way.

    And omigosh! Paul! Be careful in jail. You might be ravaged by hordes of Freakazoid fans.

  7. I'm outa jail for two minutes.

    Long enough to agree that Ricardo was the BEST. One of the nicest guys I ever met. Tomorrow's jail explanation will have to wait for a fitting tribute to my favorite weenie.

  8. In honor of Ricardo, who bristled at the sound of it, I will no longer use "the weenie word."

  9. Who will feed Tattoo and give him walkies now?? ><

    I somehow feel we shouldn't be calling him a "weenie" when Guttierrez was so insistant that he was "not a weenie". So just this once, we should let him win.
    "Yes Guttierrez, I am the weenie."