Unfortunately, I couldn't find any pictures of Hero Boy, so the above-pictured Hero Boy-ish girthy homunculus will have to do. Regardless, it's the spirit of what Hero Boy embodies that I wish to present in this post. Namely...I MUST SUCCEED.
No doubt you will notice that it's been some time since I've mentioned my desire to do the color commentary for the sport of curling at the Winter Olympics. I still haven't learned what the brooms or mop thingies are for, but I intend to.
Fact is, I've been slightly despondent that I haven't heard from NBC yet. Even with the amazing audition tape I've sent them...I've heard nothing. And, as many of you commented, my audition was one of the best things you've ever heard. So I know I'm not crazy. (Maybe a few of you said it needed some improvement, but I found those comments to be petty.)
The point is, I cannot allow this dream to whither away. I must pursue it. I MUST SUCCEED.
Perhaps some of you have dreams that you think you can't reach. I say, don't give up. Maybe you want to be a clown in the circus. (Which would be stupid. Clowns are creepy. But it's your dream. So go ahead and creep little kids out if that's your deal. Me? No way! I'm normal.)
Perhaps you want to be an astronaut. (Good luck with that! Cuz FIRST you have to be an ace pilot and then be really brilliant at stuff and then be under 6 feet tall. Plus you have to be able to not throw up on demand. And then you have to be good at politics and suck up to like...EVERYONE. You have a better chance at winning the lottery! But go ahead. Dream your little dreams. Frankly, I think wanting to do the color commentary for the sport of curling at the Winter Olympics is so much better than wanting to be a stupid astronaut.)
Regardless of our dreams (my normal one and your totally weird ones) we must all succeed. WE MUST SUCCEED.
So, today I again commit myself to doing whatever it takes to be on that ice when the curling players slide those heavy rock thingies toward that target doohiky.
A few weeks ago, young director Troy suggested that I needed a catch phrase. And he's right. Think about all the greatest sportscasters. They all had that one phrase they'd say when something amazing happened on the field. What would Harry Caray have been without his infamous, "HOLY COW!"
So, in case NBC calls, I need to be ready with my catchphrase. That phrase I'll say when I can't believe the curling move I just saw.
I've come up with a few thousand, but have narrowed it down to 10. Let me know which ONE you like.
(NOTE: These phrases are meant to be shouted excitedly, so keep that in mind.)
1. GIVE THAT MAN A CABBAGE!
2. I'VE GOT ACROMEGALIA!
3. NEWTON'S LAW DEFIED!
4. DOOO DAHHHH!
5. EGG NOG FOR BREAKFAST!
6. REDRUM! REDRUM! REDRUM!
7. SQUISHY McBUG!
8. I DO BELIEVE IN SPOOKS!
9. MELTED WAX AND HAM!
10. I THINK THERE'S A THUMBTACK UNDER MY FANNY!